I did this with a friend years ago, when I was somewhat doughy and slovenly. I walked the whole time and was sore for six days. Nowadays I'm still kind of doughy and slovenly, but I'm a big gym person. Actually, no, that's a lie. I'm a big cookie dough on the couch person, but that wasn't working, so I became a reluctant gym person. I can do all sorts of planks and maneuvers with Swiss balls (NSFW). But I've never been a good runner, like, AT ALL. It has to do both with endurance, and the fact that my legs look like this:
This year, my boyfriend's sister, Melissa, asked if I wanted to train for the Turkey Trot (sponsored by the St. Petersburg Times where I work, so yay!). Being committed to health (HAHAHA) and personal challenges (HARHAR), I agreed to try and run it. How bad could it be?
Now listen. I'm not looking for praise, honestly. My friend Mallary just ran a half-marathon in, like, three seconds. Go praise her. But for me, running several days a week took a lot of effort (see: Corgi legs). I used the Couch to 5K method, and only yesterday, two days before the race, did I complete a whole 5K running.
My goal was 40 minutes. Last night, I almost broke my knee trying to get in under that time, and I still came out 30 seconds over. The dude next to me on the treadmill was going 8 miles an hour, prancing along so calmly he could have filled out paperwork for his Roth IRA. His legs looked like this:
If my kneecaps don't fall off, I might keep running after tomorrow and see if I can get faster. Who knows? Maybe one of these years I'll decide to run a 10K at 3 a.m. on Guy Fawkes Day! Or, I'll just go back to keeping cardio to a total minimum at all times. We'll just see.
I made a 5K playlist. There's nothing worse than when you have 2.7 miles to go, and then, you know, The Blower's Daughter comes on, and you're all, GAHHHHWHYAMIDOINGTHISWHYWHY?
Anyway, here's my playlist. It's about two hours, padded with extra songs in case I need something to listen to on the paramedic ride to the local hospital. I'm just going to put in on shuffle so I'm surprised when a new song comes up. Motivation!
5K of Doom Playlist
American Idiot - Green Day
Animal - Neon Trees
The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Black and Yellow - Wiz Khalifa
Blackout - Breathe Carolina
Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn
Cousins - Vampire Weekend
Danger Zone - Gwen Stefani
Disturbia - Rihanna
Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Fashion of His Love - Lady Gaga
Get By - Talib Kweli
Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship and Leighton Meester
Gucci Gucci - Kreayshawn
Heavy Cross - Gossip
Icky Thump - White Stripes
Lights - Ellie Goulding
Little Sister - Queens of the Stone Age
Machinehead - Bush
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
Move If You Wanna - Mims
N----- in Paris - Jay Z and Kanye West
Oh No - Girl Talk
Power - Kanye West
Til I Collapse - Eminem
Waking Up in Vegas - Katy Perry
Wanksta - 50 Cent
World Town - M.I.A.
You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring
3 - Britney Spears
Oh dear. I have to be up in six hours. This is gonna suck.