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There are holes where my teeth used to be.

Friday, July 23, 2010
After putting it off for five years, I finally got my wisdom teeth removed. Looking forward to far fewer headaches now. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I think my doctor was really pretty skillful. I wasn't nervous at all, though the teeny muscle relaxer they gave me to take at home pre-surgery may have helped. I didn't even say bye to Jim in the waiting room. I was just like, *shrug*, and I walked into the back. I COULD HAVE DIED. Well, probably not, but it still would have been good measure to, you know, shoot him some finger guns on the way in.

The journey to the car in the wheelchair (seriously) was a bit hazy, but the receptionist pushed me over a speedbump and made a fuss like it was Montu or something. I said, "WOO!" but Jim later told me that he could tell, even through the wackymeds, that I was humoring her.

Spent the next four days on my back eating pudding and watching the Food Network, desiring nothing more than, like, a peanut brittle fried chicken popcorn trail mix casserole. Or even a KFC Bowl. Sad business, watching Giada be all glowy when your own face looks like that of a Garbage Pail Kid. (Self portrait, at right.)

I went back to work in the middle of the week, and that was touch-and-go. For such a simple procedure, there's a lot of crap to deal with. The meds totally screwed with my stomach and pain radiated through my lower teeth. When I went back to the doctor, he said something about "bumping a nerve" and "normal" and "will go away." Then he yelled at me for asking about Diet Coke. FML.

I'm back in biz, though. Worked hard and early this week, wrote a bunch, and now I'm paralyzed on the couch watching a 20/20 rerun from 1999 or somesuch. Eating pudding. Oh, the irony. Also, working on non-novel-book-project-to-be-announced-one-day-maybe. Yeah.

Oh-oh! And we're planning to buy couches this weekend! Thank GOD, because my current ones look salvaged from the set of Weekend at Bernie's 2. And not in a cool, hipster way. In a stank way.


ALSO FUN: Have you seen Slush Pile Hell? Amazeballs. Almost as good as Query Shark. Musings of a grumpy lit agent who actually gets queries like this:

This book, with its intense subplots and characters, will appeal to fans of Tom Clancy, J.K. Rowling, and Nelson DeMille. Its copious, subtle allusions will likely delight fans of Orwell, Shakespeare, Dante, and others.

Remind me never to... you know... do that.

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